Growing pains for growing gains

Lilium Acapulco

My pond is fast disappearing under a mass of foliage and duckweed. Even Buddha is beginning to berate me for his dwindling vista.

Neglect is neglect, but before you scold yourself for falling short of your self-imposed perfection, it’s worth remembering the bigger picture and that sometimes we have to take several steps back before moving forward, unabated, minus the nagging voice in your head.

The garden is thriving, in the main, thanks to my dedication during the drought, and a lot of encouragement from the foliage fraternity, who keep me inspired and in good company. So, while I reflect on the diverse plant life, which takes us somewhere between success and failure, I’m reminded that your last mistake is your best lesson.

Perfection is intolerant of mistakes and incapable of accepting flaws, but diversity is the result of flaws that have learnt to adapt into myriad forms. Thank heavens for imperfection! 

Perfectionism and the battle for enough

Assignment blog

So, tomorrow, I’m putting this assignment to bed. It’s long overdue, by anyone’s standards, but it’s been a tough 3 months, being all things to all people and working full-time. I’ve learnt a lot, not just about the history of garden design, the characteristics of plants, and the benefits of different materials, but also about myself.

I will always be a perfectionist, which can rob me of time during open deadlines, and while this has its drawbacks, it also has its benefits: I get to see and feel things deeply, not all of which is pleasant, but I also see beauty in glorious technicolour and pick up on details that may pass others by. It’s an inherent part of my makeup, which I’m constantly battling with.

And although my dear mother suffered the same ‘affliction’, she was a deep and beautiful soul, who left too soon, without ever realising her uniqueness, because she compared herself to others, and created that out-of-reach future self, which makes us feel that we’re never enough.

I’ve been and done more than enough, lately, and shown strength where I may have previously faltered. I’m trying to be the best version of me that I can be, even if I go down a few blind alleys and give myself a constant guilt trip about the house that I don’t have time to clean or the strong and inspirational father who I have to miss a weekend with to complete assignments or recover from a long week.

But, tomorrow, I’m having a ME day (after I’ve flicked the duster and brushed things under the sofa) and taking a Yoga for Anxiety workshop with Anna at Empower Yoga Birmingham, when I will be enough, more than enough, for one day at least.